


all of the stars will burn (and never return)

by donnatella



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: (to the best of my ability anyway), A tiny amount of angst, F/M, Fluff, Healthy Polyamory, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Pining, Semi-Nudity, but no actual boning sadly, that's why it's only a teen rating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 19:36:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10646622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donnatella/pseuds/donnatella
Summary: “Huh?”Suzy hears the door open.“Whoa, hold on.” She pulls her head out of the shirt and pushes her hair out of her face. Dan is standing in the doorway, a question clearly still on his lips. “Sorry, I didn’t really hear what you asked.”Dan’s eyes don’t dip below her face as he says, “Oh. You’re okay. Cool.” And he turns around and closes the door behind him.Suzy frowns. What? She looks down at her chest. Then she looks back at the door. Cool?





	all of the stars will burn (and never return)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dontcareajot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontcareajot/gifts).



> Hi everyone! This is my first foray into the land of Game Grumps fic (as a writer, at least) and I hope I did the Grumps justice here. 
> 
> Much love and thanks to the lovely Hattie (@dontcareajot) for beta-ing and cheerleading me through this. You're the best! Couldn't have done it without you.

“Hey, Suzy.”

Suzy looks up from her computer. Ross is standing in front of her, looking puzzled.

“What’s up?”

“So I was trying to find this thing for Holly, and—”

From across the room, Dan shouts, “Think fast, Ross!” and chucks something—a stuffed animal?—at him.

“Hey!” Ross jumps to the side, the stuffed animal whizzing just past his ear. His hip slams into the edge of her desk, and her mug tips over and sloshes tea all over her shirt.

“Shit,” she says, though thankfully the tea was only lukewarm. She doesn’t care about the shirt but she is wearing one of her nicest bras underneath, and she really doesn’t want it to get gross.

The guys scramble to apologize and find something to help clean up the mess.

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” she says. Dan looks physically pained, so she smiles to make sure he knows it’s okay. “Just...give me a minute.” She pushes away from her desk and goes to the Grump room. She knows that Arin left his hoodie in there somewhere, and she can probably wear that zipped over her bra.

Once the door closes, she checks out the window to make sure no one’s wandering by, then pulls her shirt over her head. The only problem is, she’s also wearing a long pendant necklace, and it all gets tangled with her hair, so she’s got her shirt stuck over her head when she hears someone ask something from outside the door.

“Huh?”

She hears the door open.

“Whoa, hold on.” She pulls her head out of the shirt and pushes her hair out of her face. Dan is standing in the doorway, a question clearly still on his lips. “Sorry, I didn’t really hear what you asked.”

Dan’s eyes don’t dip below her face as he says, “Oh. You’re okay. Cool.” And he turns around and closes the door behind him.

Suzy frowns. What? She looks down at her chest. Then she looks back at the door. _Cool?_

With a sigh, she sits down on the couch, tangle of shirt and necklace still in her hands. In her chest, she can feel a kind of shriveling, rotting feeling, like someone took a melon-baller to her insides. She’s been aware of her crush on Dan for a while now, but it’s always been emotional background noise. She didn’t really want to think about it. She has Arin, the love of her life, and the idea of ever hurting him with this makes her want to throw up. But now, thinking about how Dan looked at her—completely normally, like he barely noticed she was half-naked—her little crush feels like the red-hot end of a cigarette, deep under her sternum. He didn’t even react! He just turned around. She can’t help but feel snubbed. Does he really not find her attractive at all?

She finds the hoodie behind one of the consoles, and smiles to herself. She’ll have to ask Arin how it ended up here. It passes a quick sniff test—thank God—so she pulls it on and zips it up. It smells like Arin’s cologne, and she settles into it, snuggling in and shoving her hands into the pockets.

She tries to put it out of her mind and get back to work, but she can hear Dan and Arin screwing around on the beanbags. She looks over, sees Dan leaning against Arin and laughing. Arin catches her eye and gestures down at his chest, to indicate the hoodie. She shrugs and gives him a ‘what can you do’ look, while trying to ignore the way Dan’s sprawled out next to him.

~*~

That night, when they get home, she tosses her shirt in the laundry hamper. She’s rummaging through the freezer for mint-chip ice cream, the hoodie still on over her bra, when she hears Arin wander in behind her.

“Hey, babe,” she says, absentmindedly, “did we buy mint chip the last time we were at the store?”

“I don’t think so. Why, are we out?”

She sighs. “Yeah.” She lets the door swing closed and turns around with a pout. “No ice cream for me.”

He walks over and wraps her up in a hug. She snuggles into his shoulder, the fabric of his t-shirt soft against her face.

“You okay? Mint-chip is crisis ice cream,” he says. “I can run out and get you some.” She doesn’t know that she has ever loved him as much as she does right now. It’s a thought that comes to her once or twice a day, usually.

“No, it’s okay. It’s dumb.” And it is dumb, she knows. She should be relieved that her friend didn’t perv on her. She can’t help but hate the part of her that wants Dan to look.

“Hey,” Arin says, moving back just enough to look her in the eyes, “if it’s making you unhappy, then it’s not dumb. It’s important.” He smiles at her.

She smiles back, without thinking about it.

He goes on, “And, like, I won’t make you talk about it, but if it’ll help, I’m here.”

And isn’t that the kicker. He’s probably the best person to talk to about this, and if it was anything else, she’d tell him. She wants to tell him. Keeping secrets makes her feel gross. She leans her head back on his shoulder.

“I’ll tell you in a little bit, okay? Can we just...relax for a while?”

“Yeah, absolutely.” He gives her an extra squeeze and goes to make a mug of cocoa for her, while she wraps herself in a blanket, burrito style, and slumps onto the sofa in the living room. The blanket has little bats patterned on it, and it makes her smile even though she kind of feels like crying or hiding or moving to Alaska. God, feelings are the worst.

She looks up as Arin walks in, a mug in one hand and a water bottle in the other. He sits down next to her after setting the cocoa and the water on the coffee table.

“I couldn’t find the mini-marshmallows.” He looks so apologetic. She makes a grabby gesture at his face with her one free hand and he leans in so she can give him a kiss.

“It’s okay. I think we just need to go shopping.” She runs her thumb along his beard. “But I appreciate it.”

He ends up with his arm around her shoulders, and she settles into him, into his warmth. At some point he turns on an old Parks and Rec episode, but she’s not really paying attention. Her mind drifts, but every so often it keeps coming back to Dan’s face in the Grump room. She realizes she’s not going to be able to just ignore this.

“It’s about Dan,” she says, in the middle of a scene between Leslie and Ben. Arin blinks and looks over at her.

“Huh?”

“The reason I was upset. It’s about Dan.”

Arin grabs the remote and turns off the TV and turns so he’s facing her.

“What happened?” he asks. He looks concerned, but not angry, towards her or Dan.

She takes his hand in both of hers.

“First, I just want to say that I never meant for this to happen. You’re the love of my life, and the best person I know, and I can’t imagine my life without you in it.”

Now he looks really worried. “Babe, just tell me what’s going on. I promise, it’s okay.”

“I kind of have a crush on Dan.” She says it as fast as she possibly can, scared that her courage will fail and she won’t say anything at all.

Arin looks...relieved?

“And I was never going to do anything, and I didn’t! It’s just, he saw me without a shirt on, and—”

Now he looks confused. “He what?”

Suzy explains the incident. “And he didn’t even look! And I just, I never thought it would be a problem, this thing, but...it really hurt.”

Now Arin looks really confused. “He saw you, without a shirt on, and he didn’t even look at your boobs?”

“Yes!”

“That can’t be right.” He frowns.

She feels vindicated that he’s siding with her, but she’s also completely baffled. “Wait, so you’re not mad?”

“Well...” he starts. She could swear that he looks a little pink. “It’s Dan, right? It’s understandable.”

In that second, something comes together in Suzy’s brain. “Holy shit, you like him too!”

Yep, he definitely looks pink.

“I wouldn’t say I _like_ him, well, I mean, it’s not—it’s Dan.” He’s looking away, like he thinks she’ll be upset.

“Babe, it’s okay.” She detangles herself from the blanket so she can cup his face with both hands. “It’s fine. I love you, and you love me, and we both lo—like Dan.” She knows Arin loves Dan platonically, at least, but calling what she’s feeling love seems like it might make this way too big. She’s not sure she can handle that right now. “That’s not a bad thing. Right?” She smiles at him.

“Right,” he says, after a second. He pulls her onto his lap, so that she’s straddling him. “God, I can’t believe how lucky I am.”

She laughs. “And don’t you forget it!” She can see him realize something, in the way his eyes flick down to the hoodie she’s still wearing.

“So, under that hoodie, you’re wearing...”

“Why don’t you unzip it and find out?” she teases. He reaches for the zipper and pulls it down gently. As soon as it’s all the way down, she shrugs the hoodie off, goosebumps appearing on her arms at the sudden chill. Arin immediately looks down at her breasts, in a lacy emerald green bra with black detailing. She looks pretty damn fantastic, not to toot her own horn.

“Yeah, there’s no fucking way Dan didn’t look.” He runs his hands along her sides. “You’re fucking gorgeous.”

She lets her hands wander to the hem of his shirt.

“Nope. Didn’t even peek. His loss, I guess.” The stab of hurt is smaller now, but still there.

Arin leans in, kisses along her neck down to her collarbone. “Impossible,” he says, his beard tickling at her skin.

“You want proof?” she asks, though it comes out more like a gasp.

“What do you have in mind?”

~*~

The next day, Suzy wears her best push-up bra and a low-cut shirt, along with jeans that really do wonders for her ass. She’s going for subtly but undeniably hot. When Arin sees her in the kitchen as he’s making scrambled eggs, he immediately looks her up and down.

“How much time until we have to be in the office?” he asks. She laughs and goes to make some tea for the both of them.

When they get into the office, Ross immediately approaches her.

“I just wanted to apologize again for yesterday, I really didn’t mean to—”

“It’s okay,” Suzy says, patting him on the shoulder. His eyes flick down to her chest for a split second. Even Ross looked!

“You’re sure?” he asks.

“Absolutely.” She spots Dan sitting at the table, eating what looks like a donut. “Give me a minute, okay?”

Ross nods and goes to talk to Arin.

Suzy makes her way over to Dan, trying not to look like she’s on a mission. She sits down in front of him.

“Good morning!” she says. She makes sure to lean forward at the perfect angle and fiddles with her hair a little.

“Hey, Scuze,” Dan says, looking up from his phone. “What’s up?” His eyes stay on her face.

“Not much. Arin and I were talking about going out for lunch today, though. You want to come along?” She bites her lip after she asks. He doesn’t seem to notice.

“Normally I would, but I’m working with Brian on the kinks in one of our songs, so rain check?” He glances back down at his phone, frowning.

“Sure,” Suzy says, hiding her disappointment. She looks over Dan’s shoulder and raises her eyebrows at Arin, who’s been watching. He shrugs one shoulder, but seems unconvinced. Fine. She walks over to Arin and drags him into the Grump room.

“See,” she hisses as soon as the door closes, “he’s totally not into me! He didn’t even look!”

“Maybe he’s just busy,” he retorts. “He’s got a lot going on right now.”

She agrees to keep trying, though she doesn’t really see the point. It’s the small part of her that’s still hoping he might like her (and how juvenile is that) that’s driving her to keep doing this. So she waits a few days, letting things calm down. It is genuinely busy, what with con season approaching.

~*~

It’s Friday by the time she gets around to trying again, and this time she’s not fucking around with “subtle.” She wears a tight dress—one of her favorites, with a skeleton pattern—and ends up leaning against Dan’s desk. She knows he’s not working on anything super important for NSP, because she checked with Brian, so she doesn’t feel too bad about nudging him with her knee and asking, “Hey, whatcha doing?”

He looks up from the computer and smiles at her. She wills herself not to blush, but she’s not sure she succeeds.

“Just dicking around with some lyrics.” He looks her in the face when he says it. Again. Internally, she’s smacking herself on the forehead.

“Cool. What do you think of my dress? I’m thinking about it for an outfit of the day video.” She tugs at it a little, emphasizing the swell of her breasts under the low-cut collar.

“It’s neat. Very spooky,” he says.

She stands and turns so that she’s facing sideways, adjusting the bottom hem.

“I don’t know, does it sit right, do you think?” she asks. She thinks she hears Barry snort from his spot a few desks away, but she doesn’t react.

“Yeah, it looks fine,” Dan says, after a cursory glance downwards.

“Right, thanks,” she says, trying to stay chipper. “See you later!”

~*~

It’s Sunday night when Arin makes the suggestion.

“I want you to be Grump in the next recording session.”

At first Suzy laughs. Then she realizes he’s serious.

“What? Why?”

“Because...” Arin sighs, takes her hand, kisses the back of it gently. “Because I think it’ll help. Because I want this to work for you.” He looks down at their hands entwined.

“Hey,” she says, reaching with her free hand to cup his face, “if it works for me, it has to work for you, too. I’m not going to just go after Dan without you. We’re in this together, okay? I’m sorry if I didn’t make that clear.”

He smiles at her and looks relieved. “Okay.” He pauses. “But I still want you to be Grump during tomorrow’s recording session.”

“I’m not sure how it’s going to help, but okay. What are you going to tell Dan?”

“I’ll think of something.”

That night, Suzy falls asleep with her head on Arin’s shoulder, trying desperately not to worry about tomorrow. She has Arin to support her. They’re a team, and that’s going to be enough. It has to be.

~*~

“Hey lovelies, welcome to another episode of Game Grumps,” Dan starts, as the menu to the Grumps Dream Course flashes on the TV in front of them. “You may have noticed from the intro that Arin isn’t with us today! Instead, I am accompanied by the lovely Suzy—” the compliment makes her smile and look away, though she’s not sure he even means it “—playing the role of Grump for today’s session.”

“Oh no, you gave it away!” she says, elbowing him.

“Oh, you were gonna pretend to be Arin the entire time?”

“Yeah, I mean—” she lowers her voice to a deeper pitch “—isn’t this a pretty convincing Arin? Fuck. Shit. Goddamn. There are no good Sonic games. Ocarina of Time wasn’t that good, you guys.”

Dan laughs. “Yes, perfect. Absolutely. I could not tell at all.”

“That’s not the only thing you couldn’t tell,” she says, sing-song, because at this point, she’s feeling just the tiniest bit bitter. Dan gives her a look, but before he can say anything in response, she says, “And what game are we playing today, Dan?”

“I figured, in honor of the special session, we’d play a very special Grump game, so we have the Grumps Dream Course, created by a number of special lovelies. Are you ready, Grump?”

“I was born ready,” she says, in an even deeper voice, “Not-So-Grump.”

Dan starts giggling. “Oh, my god. You cannot do that the entire time, I’m gonna die.”

They get into the game, and there’s a few minutes of Suzy figuring out the controls and then it turns out she’s not terrible. She doesn’t try for the wild shots like Arin usually would, which actually works in her favor a lot of the time. They’re joking back and forth when they stumble onto the subject of girls.

“I don’t really...I don’t really have a type,” Suzy says, as she steals two of Dan’s stars in one go. “In terms of who I’m attracted to. Guys and girls, I don’t really have a type.”

Dan groans. “Ugh, did you really have to do that?” He lines up for a shot that could tie them up.

“Yes! That’s literally the point of the game.”

“But it’s not fun when you do it! Only when I do. But no, yeah, I’m pretty much the same way. Everyone’s beautiful! All you lovelies, you’re beautiful!” He says it with this sweet smile; it makes her feel that little ember of a crush behind her ribs flare up.

“What about me?” It’s out before she can stop herself.

“Huh?” The question throws him so completely that he ends up shooting the ball over the edge of the board again. “Goddammit!” She laughs at the look on his face, the way he shakes the controller at the screen. After a second, he asks, “What do you mean, what about you?”

“You’re saying everyone’s beautiful. Am I?” Some part of her thinks Matt and Ryan are going to have to cut this part of the session. It’s a shame—she was winning, too.

“Are you...?” Dan somehow seems unable to connect the dots of what she’s saying.

“Am I beautiful?”

“O-of course!” He runs a hand over his hair. “Of course you are, Scuze. You know that.” He’s not looking at her.

“I thought I did, but you won’t even look at me.” She hates how needy her voice sounds as she says it.

He looks up for a second, his face a mixture of confused and hurt. She hates seeing that even more, but she needs to say this.

“You never look at me, Dan, and I don’t really know why. I need to know, okay?”

It’s dead quiet in the room, save for the sounds of the game’s music.

“Matt, Ryan, cut this part out, okay? Say it was a capture problem, or something.” He looks angry, and a little scared, as he stands up from the couch and tosses the controller aside. “I’m gonna take a breather.”

“I didn’t mean to upset you—”

“Let it go, Suzy.”

“No.”

Dan looks her in the eyes. There’s something wild there, something she’s not sure she knows how to handle. She’s always been a fan of being in control, but now, she’s worried she may not be. She stands up too, trying to find a footing in the conversation.

“I just want to know. It doesn’t have to, to mean anything—” and that’s a bald-faced lie, but she doesn’t want to address the truth behind it right now “—but it’s something I need to know.”

Dan looks away, something like contempt playing on his mouth. “You want to know why I don’t look at you, Suzy? Do you? I don’t look because I can’t. I don’t look because you’re married to my best friend, and sometimes looking at what you can’t have is just too damn painful.”

Suzy feels the realization hit her in the chest like a cannonball. Oh, she thinks.

“And you have no right to ask me that, not when there’s no chance it would ever—when there’s no chance I could ever—” He looks so completely lost, hurt, alone, and it’s killing her a little.

“But what if you could?” she asks. She lets a little bit of hope creep into her voice.

Dan, if anything, looks more upset. “How can you say that to me? You think I’d ever do something like that? To Arin? How could you do that to him?”

“No, I’m not saying—you think I would cheat on Arin? Really? How long have you known me?” She feels frustrated, angry, a little heartbroken—the burn of the crush feels more like an ice cube, a cold ache.

At least Dan looked ashamed, the moment the words left his mouth.

Suzy sits back down on the couch. After a moment, Dan follows her.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

“No, don’t worry about it. I really...” She sighs. “I fucked this up.”

He looks at her, reaches over to her with one hand. She takes it and gives him a watery smile, and when did she start crying? God, she hopes her makeup isn’t all smeared.

“I just wanted to say that Arin and I talked, and, well, you know he loves you. And I...I like you too. And if you wanted, that could be something we could do.”

“We as in...?”

“As in, Arin’s my husband. We’re a package deal.” She gives his hand a squeeze.

“Oh.” Dan looks hopeful, she thinks, but she might be projecting. “I wouldn’t—I wouldn’t say no.”

She feels the smile break on her face, sees him smile back at her, and her chest stops feeling so tight. She turns and wraps her arms around him, with so much force that they almost topple off the couch. His arms come up around her, and it’s nothing like a hug from Arin, but it’s just as comforting.

“So, earlier, when you were asking me about that dress,” Dan says after a minute, “you were trying to, what, get me to look at your ass?”

She laughs into his shoulder and pulls away so she can look at his face.

“Because, it was really tempting. Now that I know I can look, fucking, please, wear dresses like that. All the time. Never stop.” He’s smiling and his eyes are warm and he’s actually, finally looking at her.

“Okay,” she says, but it comes out as more of a mumble against his lips. She lets her hands wander into his hair a little and he makes circles on her hips with his thumbs as she kisses him.

Dan’s the first to pull away, but he leans his forehead against hers and their noses brush together. She feels warm and happy, completely at ease, looking forward to what’s coming next.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, lovelies! If you liked it, check out my tumblr (@ninjastarbomb). Kudos and comments are appreciated.


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